I’ve been trying to steer you towards awesome choices for baby shower presents for expecting friends (aside from Rockabye Baby! CDs) for a very good reason — I’ve been on the other side of the coin. Here are five of the absolute worst things that you can get expecting parents.
- Age 0-3 Month Onesies. Yes, these are the smallest size clothes available for kids. No, your kid will never wear them. Ever. Why? Because they’re too damned small. Doting relatives will purchase them because they are just so cute and tiny, and they will sit, gathering dust, in the back of your closet until you throw them away.
- Baby High Heels. Okay, this is just demented. These are soft-bottomed baby shoes with little fake plush stiletto heels stuck on the back. How many bad messages do these things broadcast? And why would you buy something that would make it even harder for a baby to stand up?
- Pee-Pee Teepees. Yes, baby boys make urine, and yes, it sprays all over Creation. But this gag gift, a small cone that rests atop the willy when you’re changing the diaper to catch the splash before it hits your face, actually does more harm than good – instead of arcing in a spray that you can catch with a diaper (which you should have handy), it ricochets off of the nosecone and drenches everything in its vicinity. Poor trade-off.
- Baby Wipe Warmer. Seriously, people? You can just hold them in between your hands and warm them up in a minute or so. Instead, some idiots buy (or gift) a device that uses electricity to heat your wipes so they won’t shock a tender bum. Unsurprisingly, many of them were recalled for safety reasons.
- Soft Toys. Every little one needs a cuddle buddy, but to be quite frank, what they pick is going to be absolutely inscrutable to even the most plugged-in parent. By filling a young baby’s room with stuffed animals and other soft toys, you just clutter up your living space with stuff that they probably won’t form any kind of emotional bond with. And without that bond, they’re just funny-smelling, ungainly pillows.