Rockabye Baby! is happy to introduce our newest guest blogger, Lorelei Hill Butters, seen here with her baby Julia. Go here to read more about her. She’ll be posting about her adventures in motherhood. Her first article is below, so please give her a warm welcome!
***
Our little girl, Julia Grace came early. Five weeks early, and to say we were surprised is an understatement. I hadn’t packed a bag, we hadn’t put together her pack ‘n play (we planned to use the “bassinet” portion for sleeping), and her nursery was still half an office. Still, our little life changer came home from the hospital with us anyway and we had to adjust.
Born at just 5lbs 9oz, she was way too small to float around in the center of that giant pack ‘n play bassinet insert so the first few nights she slept on its attached changing station. This wasn’t going to work for both safety reasons (it’s clearly marked NEVER to leave a baby unattended on the changing table), and because I could not adequately monitor her breathing with her perched above the level of our bed. Yes, I am one of “those” moms who felt the need to check her baby’s breathing every few minutes. My husband even gave me a mini flashlight so that I didn’t have to turn on the overhead light when the urge hit me.
Those early days blended into a blur of changing, feeding, burping, worrying, staring, not sleeping, watching her sleep, changing, feeding, burping, etc., etc.
My sister Sabrina, a mother of a 6 year-old girl and a 4 year-old boy, would come over to help out a lot. While she was over she’d talk and make crazy faces and sounds for Julia, which I thought was silly, since Julia was still what my husband called in her “larval stage.” She didn’t seem to hear or see us, especially over her frantic wails for whatever it was she needed, and my voice never seemed to calm her, so I wasn’t using it. I just gave her whatever it was she was after and waited for her next cue.
Then I read in one of my baby books that it’s never too early to talk to your baby, in fact they said it was pretty much a must right out of the gate. Oh man. Had I been stunting my child’s development by not talking to her for these many weeks? Did I interfere with our bonding process by exercising my right to remain silent? I panicked. I felt like a failure.
I tried. Really, I tried. I would do another thing the books said to do, which was to just run a narrative of whatever you were doing or had done that day, but in a lilty, sing-song voice. I recited the grocery list, described the process of changing her diaper as it happened, and I told her about her crazy birth (beginning with her literally clawing her way through my bag of waters as Adam Lambert screeched out “Born to be Wild” during movie night on American Idol).
It felt so false and so “put on.” I really did not enjoy doing it, and felt ridiculous the way someone who has no desire or talent for it might feel taking a performance art class. Julia had no reaction, no connection, and after many days of this, I again felt like a failure and collapsed into the kind of woeful tears only another hormonal mommy can understand. Still, I woke the next morning, and while changing her diaper forced myself to do it again.
I began talking to her when the most miraculous thing happened. Julia smiled. She smiled! I talked more and she smiled more. I was IN! I’d broken through! I’d cracked the code!
…or, maybe babies just start smiling at a certain age and we’d hit it. No matter. Her smiling had broken my wall of self consciousness. From that moment on I now feel free to make silly noises, ridiculous faces, sing made up songs full of nonsense words and she eats it up. Yes, she does. She eats it up! She eats it, weets it, peets it up up up uppy up! My widdle bitty baby waby eats it UP!
So glad I’m not the only one who feels self-conscious talking to babies. Somehow their lack of response makes me feel shut-down. At the same time those cute baby smiles and baby giggles are so rewarding, once you get one you keep trying for another! Congratulations on your new baby and learning baby-language!
posted on 9:11 am on 8/26/09This story is so sweet. I am not a mother, but I do have a secret obsession with mommy blogs. Keep up the good work and welcome aboard! I’ll def. be coming back this way to check out your posts. Thanks!
posted on 9:12 am on 8/26/09Rockabyebaby Guns N’ Roses!!!!!!!!!!!!
posted on 10:11 am on 8/26/09this is wonderful! i’m making my husband read it too. we have not had a child of our own yet, but have several nieces and nephews. i know he’s always been terribly self-conscious about opening or acting out of character around babies. this will make him feel so much better! thanks! and welcome!
posted on 11:42 am on 8/26/09Dear Amanda,
Lullaby to GN’R is scheduled to be out this winter. We’re hard at work as we speak! You won’t believe how cute it is.
Dreamin’ On,
posted on 12:24 pm on 8/26/09Rockabye Baby!
What a sweet story! I look forward to hearing more about your discoveries with infant communication.
posted on 3:05 pm on 8/26/09the beauty of this piece is in its unadulterated honesty. i remember the truth about the first weeks of my sons’ lives. there were moments of superlative beauty and wonder and joy, like truly transcendent seconds here and there, and then the sheer terror and self-loathing and fear of failure that no one in the world prepares you for, or shares with you after. it’s so wonderful to read a piece about new parenthood that is not only rare in its honesty (which, of course, reduces loneliness in the world), but also funny, crisp, and deeply human. consider me bookmarked…
posted on 5:58 pm on 8/26/09I talk to little Hana every day. We go around the house and I tell her what I’m cooking, how the laundry is being separated, and introduce her to pictures of her aunts and uncles… (especially aunt Lorelei!). I think she enjoys it and maybe it will make her into a great listener when she is a teen!
posted on 6:27 pm on 8/26/09heehee, I can honestly say I have never felt funny talking to my baby… hell I tell him everything Im doing all the time.. mommy is brushing her teeth, mommy is making dinner, first we get a pan…. now that he is almost 15 month, we talk and sing all day long.. who cares who stares at me in the store while buying milk and diapers and singing teddtbears picnic to my boy. Im a momm, Im alowed to be silly! ENJOY IT!!! this will be the one time in your life when you can do crazy silly things like dance in the store and sing, and no matter how bad you are, just smile and laugh.. the people around you will smile back and even say awwwwwww what a fun mom! better to have a silly mommy then a boring one! trust me, your baby will give you hugs and kisses for it! mine does
posted on 12:21 am on 8/27/09What an honest, unfiltered story with sprinkles of humor all around. It totally brought me back to when I was reading stories to my wife’s belly and my then still unborn daughter. I’m looking forward to more posts!
posted on 6:14 am on 8/27/09Couldn’t agree more Lydia. I’m right there with you….NOW; it just took me a few weeks
posted on 12:56 pm on 8/27/09She’s heavy into her cooing back stage (she’s 4 1/2 months so only her Daddy & I understand her) and I’m in heaven!!
I think this post also relates to the post about infant consciousness. While babies do not have language and expressive skills to respond or interact utilizing language we are familiar with, their little smiles, coo’s, gestures, and behaviours are all subtle clues into what they are experiencing. Hang in there, Lorelei, and keep the interaction going!
posted on 2:19 pm on 8/27/09As I live and breathe! The sweetly outrageous and utterly witty Lorelei Hill Butters has finally come to rockabyebaby. It was only a matter of time. Not only are you and baby Julia flippin’ gorgeous, but your first post is so lovingly written and relatable. I will definitely tune in to read future entries!
posted on 2:22 pm on 8/27/09