Unfortunately, she often chooses to use her verbal gifts to talk trash. “You not Elsa, me Elsa!” she’ll sling at her big sister, which if you know anything about preschool-age girls you know is fighting words for sure. She also loves to rub in unsettling situations: “Me still have Popsicle, you don’t.” Or to her sisters’ entire class: “I no like you.” Maybe that’s a second-kid thing? Since you can’t physically take the big kids, you gotta prove it by puffing yourself up with insults and boasts? When she’s not egging the big kids on, she’s entertaining them with the worst part of her trash talk: When it actually gets dirty, and by dirty, I mean scatological. Look, I know nothing is funnier to kids than potty humor, but with her it’s off the hook. “You go poop?” she’ll ask anyone, and then laugh hysterically. “Pee pee, pee pee, poop!” is what she considers a proper greeting at our front door. And when she really wants to drive me crazy, it’s a non-stop chorus from the backseat or the stroller. Other people look at us with great alarm and I am forced to assure them, “It’s okay, she doesn’t need to go, she just likes talking about it.” At first, I tried to play it cool and not make a big deal out of her excessive potty talk, but then I started wondering: Why is my kid obsessed with her bodily functions? Her teachers reassured me all is normal — in fact, it’s good to be fascinated by all the wonderful things your body can do — but she’s probably mostly doing it because it gets a strong reaction from me. So I was right to play it cool, but, they informed me, I needed to enforce a rule as well: If you want to potty talk, you’ve got to do it in the bathroom. So if she starts in, I take her to the proper place for such conversation. We are spending lots of time in bathrooms.
Do you have a potty mouth on your hands? Clean it up with a chill-out lullaby like this one: